It has been over a week since your last report. What is the status of your laundry situation? We are on the verge of appointing a Landlord-Laundry Task Force.
What is the status of your neighbors? Do we need to send in a Neighbor Neighborhood Watch patrol to monitor the mercurial nature of those who dwell upstairs?
Thank you for your concern. I'm actually doing laundry NOW! I should note that it's 9:30pm or thereabouts, and official laundry hours are 8am to 9pm. But it's dark, and I'm wearing black. I like to live on the edge.
So I haven't seen "X" since The Incident. Probably because I'm slinking around at night like a criminal. Yet I'm the victim! Hmph. I need to look up your city's victims' rights laws. Don't these circumstances justify a car-egging or something?
I'm not ignoring you; I just don't get text messages. I'm a little bit clumsy, but I could kick your ass at foosball. I love the smell of laundry. My Geiger counter impression is uncanny. I don't eat liver or cannolis, and while I'm a huge fan of chocolate, I hate those solid bars of homemade fudge. Coleslaw sometimes tastes like elephants. Favorite utensil: Spork. Proponent: Stream of Consciousness literary technique.
2 comments:
Dear Resident,
It has been over a week since your last report. What is the status of your laundry situation? We are on the verge of appointing a Landlord-Laundry Task Force.
What is the status of your neighbors? Do we need to send in a Neighbor Neighborhood Watch patrol to monitor the mercurial nature of those who dwell upstairs?
Your Rightitude:
Thank you for your concern. I'm actually doing laundry NOW! I should note that it's 9:30pm or thereabouts, and official laundry hours are 8am to 9pm. But it's dark, and I'm wearing black. I like to live on the edge.
So I haven't seen "X" since The Incident. Probably because I'm slinking around at night like a criminal. Yet I'm the victim! Hmph. I need to look up your city's victims' rights laws. Don't these circumstances justify a car-egging or something?
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