Ikea Backwards

Soooo...my last post prompted a call from mom.

"You're not drinking too much, are you?"

"No mom. I average maybe one a week."

"Really?!"

"Yes."

But I did the math, and from last Wednesday to today, it was 4 drinks. Sorry mom. I think all those lines of coke are clouding my short-term memory. I had a mimosa at brunch on Sunday, a plum wine at dinner on Monday, and two somethingorothers at the tiki bar in Alameda this evening. None of those was even a beer! But all were delicious.

So, Larry (my BFF) is now an official Oaktowner. And where's a consumer to go immediately after a move but Ikea?! After parking in the 5-minute loading zone by the exit, we went in the out door and shopped backwards for at least an hour, probably more, traveling deeper and deeper into Ikea's innards, as I wondered if we'd ever make it out alive. Ikea's a scary place. Larry bought a lamp (I think the model was called "Dim" or something) and a furniture dealio for his kitchen, and a giant shoe horn. I picked things up here and there and stuck them in the cart (e.g. a mesh frying pan cover thingy to prevent oil splatter, a chair cushion, and almost a scale), but eventually put them back because I didn't need them (or because Larry said the scale didn't look very accurate). And I contemplated the shoe horn: If you really need a shoe horn, aren't your shoes just too damned small?! And I admired all the men with crew cuts. And Larry decided that East Bay women are hotter than South Bay women. And I was all, "duh." And while Larry perused the catalog at the catalog station (complete with pencils and disposable measuring tapes), a kid walked up to the measuring tapes and took one. And I said, "That will be one dollar." And the kid didn't even give me a dollar, the little brat!

Then, after we contributed to the jobless rate (per Larry) by checking out our own items, we went outside, and the "security truck" was there, all ablaze, and I got scared that Larry had been towed from the 5-minute zone (especially because the backwards approach had been my idea), but alas, his car was right where we left it. Phew!

Then we went to see In Bruges (the "s" is silent!), because Bruges is one of my favorite cities ever; it's very romantic, and there's lots of amazing beer. I really enjoyed the movie. I've never seen anything so un-PC.

I did a 7.5ish mile run in the Berkeley hills on Sunday, and once again, my calves were hating me. But then: mimosa and breakfast at Marc's! Yay! Then I threw a baby shower for Marla, whom I've known since I was 11, and even though babies, and hosting, and girly events aren't generally my thing, I'm ecstatic to report that it went fabulously, and Marla enjoyed herself, so I was happy.

On Monday, I spent $42 on sushi at Sushi Village after spinning for over 2 hours. Ugh! To make matters worse, they weren't very friendly to us. And to top it all off, I was unable to twist the cherry stem (from the cherry that was in my plum wine) into a pretzel with my tongue. And then I led a couple of innocent victims all over creation, on foot, to find Townhouse, which had just stopped serving by the time we found it. Oops.

On Tuesday, I span. Spinned. Spun. And then I had etouffee and steamed crawdads, New Orleans style, at Sharon's. The food was amazing (it kinda reminded me of the Maryland crab scene, and I got all nostalgic). And I met Sharon's brother (he made the amazing etouffee), and saw photos of young Sharon, which was trippy. She was so cute!

This evening, after I got spanked, I met friends for drinks as "Straight Hair Laura" at Forbidden Island, a tiki bar in Alameda, a city described to me this evening as "an Island off the coast of Oakland"! Great spin. And I met another woman with an Israeli mom, and we totally related on the whole "American Jewish" v. "secular Israeli Jewish" dichotomy. I.e. do you pronounce Hebrew words the way the should be pronounced? With an Israeli accent? Or do you pronounce it the mangled "Engbrew" way? If I do the former, people think I'm putting on airs. If I do the latter, a certain Israeli gets annoyed. And what is this whole "woo-woo" reform movement? Secular Israelis rarely go to services, but when they do, they pick the orthodox ones, if only because the pain/boredom/ridiculousness of it helps them remember why they're not into religion.

The evening was educational as well. Jessica explained the terms "dirty sanchez," "dutch oven," and "rusty trombone." You don't want to know.