Carnivore, Beware.

My friend Larry was a garden-variety carnivore (HAHA!) when I met him at one of Marla and Eric's parties. I kept calling him Allen that night, for some reason.

We were at another party at Marlic's several months ago (was it last September, Larry?) when he announced his decision to become a vegetarian. I think I choked on the canned champagne that I was drinking at the time (Yes. It had its own little telescoping straw, like one of those kids' juice boxes. I had to get it when I saw it on the shelf at Trader Joe's. Coppola made it. It was really bad.). Here's what I remember....

Me: A vegetarian? Why?

Larry: The sheep died.

Me: What sheep?

Larry: The one they cloned. The first successfully cloned sheep. It died a terrible death.

Me: What does that have to do with anything?

Larry: blah blah blah meat blah blah blah cloning blah blah blah really bad blah blah blah book by Blah Blah

Someone Else (who discovered months later that he wasn't 5'9" as he'd always thought, but was instead 5'8"+, which he divulged at the dessert table at another of Erla's parties recently, to which a 6-foot-tall Larry responded that he might get taller if he spent time in the zero-gravity environment of outer space): Are you going to stop eating meat gradually?

Larry: No, I'm just going to stop.

Me: So you're going cold tofurkey?

*laughter* (I think I laughed at my comment more, perhaps much more, than the others did. It was tres funny, after all. But the canned champagne and whatever else may have had something to do with my inability to stop laughing.)

So, of course I had to point out later that most vegetables are cloned. And of course he found out later that he'd totally misunderstood about the sheep. I think it was run over by a tractor or something. But he's still a vegetarian. And now he's talking about going vegan.

So this came up because he just sent me an email. His subject header: "carnivore beware"

The body of his email contained two articles:
1. ConAgra Closes Pot Pie Plant Due To Salmonella Concerns
2. E. Coli-Tainted Beef Leads to Suit Against Manufacturer, Stores

Yeah. Maybe we should just stick to something safe. Something vegetarian. Something like, hmmm. Spinach! Who was ever killed by spinach? Oh...wait....