Still Sharp After All These Years

*updated with a liger and some video on 7/25/08*

Back when I was 18 or something, I got a summer job selling Cutco cutlery. Yeah, I was hot stuff. I had to fight for this job. I remember there was some Vector Marketing "seminar" to be a Cutco salesperson, and my brother was going, so I went too. At the "seminar," they give the whole group the "spiel" with all the amazing knives and accessories, and then they tell you about all the self-made knife millionaires who've come through there, and then they call each of you into the manager's office for a one-on-one interview, where the manager asks you why you want the job and then tells you whether or not you've got "the stuff " needed to sell knives. So my brother goes in, and emerges later with a job offer. And I go in, and I'm told I'm not right for the position. Buh-bye.

Later, we're debriefing, and Bryan's all, "Yeah, he said I was in, but I told him I wasn't going to take it; I just couldn't see telling people they need knives to complete them." And I'm all, "Oh. Well I didn't get the job." So he says,"What happened? What did you say when he asked you why you wanted the job??" "I told him I needed the money." Bryan found this really funny. Way too funny for my taste anyway. Then he told me to go back to another seminar, and to say anything but that. So I went back, and made up some crap about how a sharp knife is the answer to the world's problems, blahblahblah, and I got the job.

So then I had to buy the demo set, to demo the stuff, and hopefully sell it, to everyone I knew. Which was, like, my parents (they actually bought the demo set and let me use it), my parents' friends, relatives, former teachers, my dentist's wife, my boyfriend's parents, their friends, etc. Talk about awkward. But I have to say, it was amazing how many people were sweet enough to sit through a demo. Though, I think I stood up my dentist's wife during a scheduled demo, and got a "talking to." I guess I wasn't used to making (and keeping) appointments at that age. A good life lesson. Now when I miss appointments, I make sure my mom doesn't find out about it.

During one demo, I was showing a neighborhood mom, whose daughter I'd babysat a few years before, how the slotted cutlery storage box could be turned upside down without the knives falling out (safety feature! This part of the demo comes right before the big finale, where you cut the penny in half with the Cutco scissors!). Well, of course all of the knives fell out, one right onto my foot, gashing the top of it nicely. As I bled on neighborhoodmom's living room floor, she called my mom to come get me. Then she examined it while we were waiting (she knew my mom because both were nurses at the same hospital): "Hm, looks like you need sutures." Hey, they were sharp knives, so it really was a successful demo, if you think about it. But she didn't buy anything. And I stopped flipping the holder thingy upside down after that.

Why do nurses always say "sutures" instead of "stitches?" Sounds so serious.

Waaaaaay back then I was with Steve. His poor mom sat through the demo and then bought some stuff. She was very nice to me. Well, Steve and I were actually together for over 5 years. One year, Steve's mom gave me the biggest Christmas present (Steve's brother was miffed). He and his wife Pam now live in Miami, FL (makes Baltimore feel less humid??), and just had a baby. Her name's Raina, and she's tres cute, and I'd like to bite her cheeks off.

I digress! Steve and Pam are back in Baltimore right now, visiting the folks like couples with new kids do, and I just got an email from him, entitled "20 year old cutco knives". Just this photo,
and the phrase "they still work pretty well!" I guess my legacy lives on. Yeah, that's right.

Did you know the handles are made from bowling ball material? Won't warp like wood. And the rivets are flush, so food won't get caught in the handle. Because how totally unsanitary would that be?!

In other news, my parents just went to Artscape (A Baltimore art festival) and sent me this figurine, made of railroad ties, that a local artist had made ("Roland Metal Art") and was selling there. Isn't it so cute?My dad put the "Death Ride survivor" sign on there.

And finally, my BFF emailed me a drawing of a liger today. Because you're never too busy to email someone a drawing of a liger. GOSH!And seriously finally, for real this time, I was referred to an upper extremities surgeon, who recommends surgery on my elbow. After I broke it, the tip of the olecranon fused quickly, but poorly, with the rest of the ulna, it turns out, leaving a gap in the bone on which ulnar nerve is sitting, causing irritation and numbness in my fingers, and limiting range of motion in my arm. But I'm going to try to fix it myself with better stretching and a new weight training program. To be continued!

And super duper duper finally, here's me practicing with my band, the Webster Street Miracles. We all work at an organization on Webster Street, and we get together once-yearly to perform on the annual summer cruise. It's very The Office. There were some shenanigans involving some band members performing without other band members at the annual Christmas party (perhaps you read about it in Rolling Stone?), but we managed to overcome the drama and bring it back together to rock everyone's face. Yeah!
Took me years to master the tambo. Now I just need to master the "brooding musician" camera pose. Found some wacky footage of last year's "big event":